Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
