is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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