Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
