she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
