Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My dick has a subreddit
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
