I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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