Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
