called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
