In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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