Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
