I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
