dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
