they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
