Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
