yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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