Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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