he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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