Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
