I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
