she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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