need another drink. this is the easiest way
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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