are you still at the devil's house?
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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