i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
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