dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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