they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
