he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It was confusing and full of hummus
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
