Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
