Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
