Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
