eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He passed out mid-signature
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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