I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
