i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
