There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
