your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
