i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
