i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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