he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
