my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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