I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
