Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
