Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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