I didn't shave. On purpose
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
