She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
