Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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