I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
