i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
