i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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