I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
