I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
