DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
