I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
