too bad you live with your parents still
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
