they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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