dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
